Christmas is coming.........

The good news is that the back is greatly improved and no doubt heading in the right direction. The bad news is now the right knee has gone crock and is mighty bloody painful so back on the painkillers and foul language. I am seriously thinking of becoming a Rastafarian cos my current deity aint got no sense of humous.

That apart we're trying to get festive; a little early I know but it's the Cowroast Lock Moorers Christmas Gathering on 6th December which is my first (and probably last) social event of Advent.

The numbers are a tad down on last year but that's not a bad thing as the venue got a bit crowded over the last two years so perhaps it will be a bit more comfortable this time.
Our charity this year (assuming we make a profit) is DENS, the Dacorum Emergency Night Shelter
http://www.dens.org.uk/index
so, in addition to what we raise on the night, punters have been asked to bring some tinned or dried fruit for their Foodbank Appeal. If you hear my car rattling and making more noise than usual you'll know the collection was a success. And nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth.

One of the side benefits of the occasion is the distribution of Christmas Cards without having to pay the immorally privatised Post Office 55p second class postage and the duff knee has forced me to sit down and write same. In truth I love sending and receiving cards though on occasions it is tinged with sadness as old friends come off the list. What I don't understand is why the Post Office don't treat Christmas as an opportunity to get people back in the habit by lowering the cost for sending cards. Just tell people if they dont seal the envelope and post between 1st and 15th then a 20p stamp will do. Instead the tactic seems to be to keep hammering the senders so they don't use the service then say there isn't sufficient usage to warrant the existing number of collections and deliveries. This results in loss of jobs to working people and no doubt maintains the income of the bright boys that bought the Post Office at a snip from the eedjit government. Discuss.Oh and don't get me started on the cunning buggers selling off the East Coast Rail back to Branson and co after we bailed them out last time and it's been run by a government (i.e. US) agency quite successfully since And within 12 months of a General Election. Morals of the whorehouse.....

A change of mood. My new Santa suit arrived today but I'm keeping it under wraps till next week partly because my knee isn't in the mood for trying on trousers and partly because I think it would be unlucky to do so before the start of Advent which starts next Sunday and lasts till Christmas Eve.

Ollie has, as usual, taken the initiative of cajoling the rest of us into doing a list for Santa and I thought, in tune with my new Rasta brothers, I would send Santa a Rap

Christmas Wrap

Yo Santa

Hello dere bro dis am de intention

To tell you kids bout de man on de pension

His name is Mikal and he's bald and sturdy

But he do like Christmas

bout as much as his birday

He wants for nuttink

From you moi luvver

cos yous always kind

an' dont dis dis bruvver.

Whooo! Whooo! (or some similar Neanderthal utterance)

But if yous happy to club together

But don't buy nuffin on de never never

den what I needs is writ hereunda

to fill my heart with awe and wunda

My list is short but if yous can afford

 I need a fing  for my car dashboard

De fing is right to hold my phone

so i don't hit no wall when I's alone

An' I need a saucepan not too big

but what it must be is non-stick

for cooking scrambled eggs after dey broke

cos stickin to de pan aint no yoke

  

Whooo! Whooo!

Now I knows you scoff

When I ask for Brasso 

But it's what I need

For de boat not de car so

A tin of dis liquid will be just right

To shine like my bonce in de old headlight

  

Now it's nearly time to finish my rap

But I appear to have lost my old flat cap

If yous sees a blue one in de cheapo aisle

I'd really like to wear one in the Breton style

  

Dere's ovver stuff too much to spend 

so there I fink my  list must end

But de fing I want most and I's right sincere

Is dat yous have a lovely Christmas an' a great New Year

Whooo! Whooo!

Cheers

Rapper Present

Who said poetry was dead? A bit sick maybe....

Last years Christmas tree has survived life on the mooring ready for transporting to Pam's come Christmas

Not much to photograph at the moment as the days are mainly grey and damp. The path along the moorings and the towpath generally are fairly muddy and with the addition of dead leaves some places are quagmired.** 

Ooooh I love that word quag, it is so onomatopeoic or rather it sounds as though it should be onomatopeoic.

a confused primula

**Quag-A marshy or boggy place-late 16th century: related to dialect quag 'shake, quiver'; probably symbolic, the qu- suggesting movement (as in quake and quick).

CaRT have started padlocking Cowroast lock overnight "monitoring to establish the cause of recent water losses"

Well all I know is the "water losses" aren't that recent and are a result of those below the lock opening the paddles overnight and since the padlocking started the levels above the lock have been maintained.

The plan is to move Independence down to Marsworth next week for the Boaters' Gathering but that only gives my knee a week to improve or I don't go. Another major complication is the small matter of the mighty Fulham v Watford on the evening of Fri 5th. Do we travel on Friday and hope to catch the game at the Angler's Retreat or move on Saturday and cab back from the Goat in Berko. What a quag!

Ady, Geoff and I with Mike Paine had a planning meeting this week and for a change thought we'd try the Three Horseshoes at Winkwell. I'd not been there for a while but it's an attractive canalside pub with the added interest of a swingbridge. Big mistake. I think we all felt afterwards we should have complained but we were being very English that day which was a shame. Suffice to say for 38 quid we got three beef rolls with cheese and a derisory bit of salad and indeed bugger all beef. I had a turkey(packet/sliced/tasteless) and cheese club sandwich plus we shared a bowl of overcooked chips. Apart from a slight sewage aroma on entering and the fact that the heating didn't appear to be working it was a perfect meal. We won't return and commend The Anchor up the road which represents real value for money. 

Talking of pubs you will recall the grand opening of the Cowroast Inn a couple of weeks ago which then carried on under the old tenant....well, you probably don't but no matter. A friend of mine had the following notice posted through the letter box today-nearly three weeks after the non-event. It doesn't bode well but all the boating fraternity hereabouts wish the new people well and look forward to a cleaner, friendlier, foodier pub with particular attention to gutter language which drove away so much trade from what used to be a good pub.

I hope the new people are in by Christmas.......

I am planning my festive visit to Lancashire to visit my sister and bro-in-law. My plan is to set off on Tues 16th stopping overnight in Bakewell and knocking off all my Christmas shopping there before travelling to Oldham on 17  and staying to 19th Dec. They Live near Tom's daughter, Valerie, husband Martin and family (which makes her my half niece, I think) Anyway that's £1.10 postage saved!

It's all adding up. I'll soon have enough for another lousy sandwich at the Three Horseshoes, Winkwell. Oh I wish I'd complained now. New Year's Resolution-tell restaurants, pubs etc when you think you've had a bad deal.

Right back to writing those cards. Mustn't get quagged down in bad knees, pubs, poetry.......

Oh and we have a party this weekend in deepest Denham so I've 48 hours to perfect my one-legged dance routine... so more anon. Must hop it. Byeee.

A MIXED MONTH and a short blog

For those many people who read this blog hungry for tales of life on the canals I'm afraid this posting is short on life afloat. A duff back has meant that for the last few weeks my time on the cut has been restricted. Various quacks, fizzios and psychosteopaths have had a prod, poke and pull and the situation was pain stopped play.

Buggeration thricefold.

However......some good news
The bridge at Cowroast has been tarted up with brickwork replaced and railings painted. Good to see and fitting as the bridge was built in 1914

As I have commented before probably some of the men who built the original were dead within the next four years.

The mooring by my boat looked like an absolute sodden tip. A couple of weeks ago because of my back I paid somebody to empty my shed of crap assuming that I would soon be fit enough to transport all the junk to the tip....sorry Civic Amenity Site. Well that hasn't happened and it's rained enthusiastically and the aforementioned crap became  a very soggy and depressing pile of junk. Similarly the boat has been untended for at least five weeks and is cold, damp and sad. 

But things are looking up.

On the back front (eh? how's that for an Oxymoron) the osteopath has been giving me a going over paying no heed to my wimpish and delicate nature and has wrought some improvement. It is by no means perfect but compared to a fortnight ago is definitely moving in the right direction. The G P has referred me to the hospital so we wait for an appointment. Onward and upward.....fingers crossed.

We had a very pleasant visit from Pam's sister Tricia and bro in law Tony During which time we managed a dinner at the newly opened Bill's in Berko.Which was pretty good.
Plus a trip to College Lake where Autumn is at its best

On the boat front the wonderful Nicklinettes, Natalie, Ollie with Grandson Joseph arrived at the mooring last weekend and beavered away to tidy the shed, mooring and surroundings plus filling coal scuttles, stowing coal and tidying roof and front well. Oh and Joseph installed my lovely new microwave. I can now function comfortably on board as Winter tightens its grip.

And for entertainment the swans had a punch up over territorial rights

What a fine bunch-soooooo grateful

                                                                                                                  

The things some people collect!

And for dinner a tartiflette by Ollie and a salad by Natalie. Brilliant!

Sadly since my last blog I have lost my dear friend, Lucky, who was known and admired by many of my boating friends. I wasn't sure whether to include his demise on the blog but it happened and he warrants a mention. A lovely, gentle man, with a lovely family. Pali Mali Lachman -no wonder we all called you Lucky-it was a pleasure and an honour to have known you.

On a happier note an old boater friend, John Gerber or Little John as he is generally known reached the 80 mark on 19th November and I publish this photo in his honour.
Until recently John lived on his narrowboat, Kingfisher at the moorings at Bourne End and before that in Cowroast Marina. He moved ashore in Northchurch.
Here he is seen dressed as Prince Charles at a party to celebrate HMQ's 25th Anniversary. Unfortunately the photo does not do justice to the giant,false ears he was wearing. Well, he told us they were false.

Happy Birthday John!!

And here's a picture of Ollie just before his second and final (we hope) knee operation. This time it was at the Chesterfield Hospital in Bristol-private hospital but on the NHS-the world's gone mad.
What is important is that the last I heard he is doing well . Cheers Ollie and thanks again to you, Natalie and Joseph for your great help at the mooring
STOP PRESS

I've just heard that Ollie is bored in hospital so he must be making progress. Anyway if he was bored before wait till he's read this rubbish.

Arrangenments for the Cowroast Lock Boaters' Christmas Gathering are coming together with my hopes for a slight reduction in numbers being in vain. I'm afraid it's going to be as full as last year but that's better than nobody turning up.This year I've suggested that the money raised (assuming there is some) be donated to DENS the local charity for the homeless. 

So it's next stop Christmas...now where did I put that penguin?.....

Future to the Back

Autumn colours abound. I was particularly taken with the tree next to the little work men's hut by Cowroast lock.I haven't been to the boat much of late thanks to the back (of which more later) but was lucky enough to have the camera with me for a brief visit snapping the tree and viewing the work which has commenced to the bridge to repair the parapets and titivate the railings. All much needed to restore the Cowroast Lock area to its former glory.

When I say its next to the little Workman's hut I don't mean a hut for little workmen......it is just a little hut used by CaRT employees of all sizes and shapes

The walls of the parapets are in rather poor nick but as the bridge was built in 1914 it is fitting to renovate it this year. Quite probably some the men who built it, no matter what shape or size, were dead within the next four years.

The back continues to cause concern with lots of pain and foul language. Off to the quack again next week as progress is imperceptively slow and walking and standing are off the agenda......most of the time. Though just like when you call the tv repair man the bally tv behaves perfectly so it is with backs. Last week we spent time in Kent visiting Caz, Phillip and Florence. We stayed in a cottage in Rodmersham Green near Faversham where they live. Most of the time the back was rubbish but on the day we visited Whitstable I was able to walk for some distance totally pain free.Inexplicable. And extremely frustrating.

Pam, Joseph and I arrived on the Tuesday and in the evening with Caz, Phillip and Florence went to the Three Mariners at Oare for an excellent dinner. I had spiced whitebait followed by skate wings both wonderful and a place well worth a return visit. 

www.thethreemarinersoare.co.uk/

On Wednesday whilst Pam and Joseph laboured in Caz's back garden I did some shopping for dinner and had a ride down to look at the Thames barges on Faversham Creek. Unfortunately it was a foul day for looking, photography, walking....and gardening and so I vowed to return when the gods are on my side (rather than in my ****ing back)

Standard Quay

I returned to Rodmersham and rested up till the gang returned. After a drink in the local, the Fruiterer's Arms, Joseph cooked fahitas for dinner and very good they were too.

Candy Cottage-our Rodmersham home for a few days

 Pre-fahita drinks in the Fuiterers Arms

With Phillip, Joe, Pam, Caz and a disappering Florence

these fahitas are definitely faheating

The Fruiterer's Arms-at least 40 feet away from home

The following day we collected Florence and went to Whitstable. Such fun. Such wonderful weather for the end of October. Such a lovely, interesting place.

We had a marvellous time with a walk along the coast to the Old Neptune pub ( an establishment I wish to revisit when carless). The back was pretty grotty going but the walk back was brilliant. 

A rare sighting of a Kentish Crumbsnuffler

After the walk we stopped in the fish market where the others had fish or scampi with chips and I luxuriated in a bowl of cockles much to the disgust of both Joseph and Florence. Children are so unlucky to grow up in a world void of shellfish.

Florence does not like either cockles or the smell of a fish market!

Grandma and Florence tackle the scampi

My new chum

The Fish Market

That evening we dined at the Fruiterer's Arms where I had salmon to complete a fishy few days. I also decided the back needed dousing in alcohol and got a little squiffy. It did the back no good at all but i felt better for a while. A good day
The Friday saw us back in Herts after a sunny drive home.


I mentioned last time the problem with wasps. By careful observation (in that, because of the sodding back I had nothing better to do) I established that the wasps were coming, slowly, one at a time from the fireplace. Their intention was to get to the window and what they perceived as the outside world. Many made it no further then the intervening carpet or died on the window sill. The lucky ones arrived at the window when Pam was in Bhuddist mode and let them out to whatever fate awaited. A bit like the illegals hovering in Calais waiting for a gap in security 

Joseph and I on one of his visits to the Sick of the Parish (me-thanks Joe-much appreciated) were discussing the age old question of what use are wasps. We had a look at what the internet world had to offer and the main benefit seemed to be that they cleared away the bodies of other dead insects. Well, what are the local council for-why do we need sodding wasps. And then, Eureka! 

 What are they really good for? 

Wine-making, for one thing. Scientists say that wine drinkers can thank wasps and hornets for the complex aroma and taste of their favourite vino,  The insects help by biting grapes on the vine and leaving behind yeast from their guts that spurs fermentation. This is partly why winemakers have planted flowers near their vines since Roman times—to attract various insects.

Anyway they got despatched on Friday by the wasp man who found a gap in the chimney and discombobulated the blighters.
Next week if I can make some progress with my back then I'll return to the boat. If not then the next posting will be another one about me banging on about my back. Your prayers please gentle people.