Wednesday 22 January 2014

A Birthday of Note and an Antipodean Gloat



Well, here we are, 17th January, with Christmas, New Year and my birthday out of the way-and I enjoyed them all very much, thank you-but what next?
 There's always the perpetual list of stuff to be done but one needs something jolly to which to  look forward.

Almost immediately on the horizon is next Sunday (19th) when Great Nephew James Baker turns 18. Gawd it only seems like yesterday etc.........
It is his misfortune to have a Church Parade at his College on his birthday though I thought it was a nice touch for the powers that be to arrange such an event to mark the occasion. They must think very highly of him. I think the only thing Finchley Grammar ever arranged for me was a public flogging. Later if I recall correctly two  second formers were ritually disemboweled on Speech Day for not wearing their caps or some similar mortal sin but they were excused games for a week. Just soft that generation.

After the parade  we have a birthday lunch at Kate and Nick's with all the usual suspects. I have bought James a tankard-engraved-which seems a sort of Godfatherly thing to do plus a few bob towards his trip either to Vietnam or the Reading Festival- both equally squalid as far as I'm concerned.

Then there's Chinese New Year which falls over the weekend of 1st February. Pam has been invited to a girls night out for a Chinese meal and so as not to be left out I've invited a few people to a Chinese dinner on Independence. My preparations so far include the purchase of some Chinese  starters reduced at Waitrose and some stainless steel chopsticks on EBay. Catering is such a piece of cake.
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One of the  jobs this week was to hang a plate given to me by Mac and Julie for my birthday and here it is hanging in the boatman's cabin.
Talking of Mac he sent me this  picture taken where he used to live in France. It shows a helicopter dropping off a generator to a neighbour who, along with everybody else has been without electricity thanks to heavy snow. The picture is worth showing just for the brilliant clear blue sky-something we haven't seen much of lately


 Friday 17th and we went for a quiet drink in the Lamb and a bite to eat at Pizza Express.That's what we went for but life can be funny that way  and we had more than a quiet drink and after a debate of unnecessary proportions got a takeawy from the Indian restaurant, The New Akash. (The old one burnt down but that's life in insurance for you) A very pleasant evening with good company.
Pam talks to one of the Lamb locals, Karl, about his drinking.
And later in the Akash talks to two Arsenal supporters about tomorrow's game with Fulham. Her mention of a possible Fulham victory appears to cause John to have a siezure but Janice is unphased



Saturday, a quieter day was required and an excellent fish dinner with mimimal alcohol in the evening. Arsenal 2 Fulham 0. Bugger.






Sunday morning and an early (for a Sunday) start to get to Berkshire for 10 30. As mentioned above it is James' 18th and we arrive at Pangbourne College for the parade. Beforehand Pam and I had a nose round the Falkland Islands Memorial Chapel, a most impressive and beautifully proportioned building opened in 2000 to commemorate the 255 servicemen and civilians who died in the Falklands war in 1982.

www.Falklands-chapel.org.uk


Above the entrance


The Bell from the Sir Galahad


The Memorial Window behind the altar depicts the heavy seas around the Falklands

The parade lasted about an hour and was most impressive with all the youngsters looking very smart and deliriously happy to be there on a Sunday morning whilst adoring parents looked on. Except one-Nick had succumbed to the dreaded gout and was excused-he did his best to look disappointed.



Getting 'em lined up.



Here comes the Band; and very good too










James at the back. Happy Birthday!



Parade dismissed

Then lunch-the usual high standard served by Kate- and then Birthday Cake, the singing of Happy Birthday and James looking suitably embarrassed as he opened card after card containing cheques for squillions of pounds. He is trying to garner together sponsorship money for a trip to Vietnam which will include a stint in the jungle- sod that- and helping build a school for local kids. He hope to raise money by abseiling off Clifton Bridge -sod that too-so avoid me if you see me with a form in my grubby paw and you don't want to get caught.





Jim without his IPad




























































































































Jim with his Ishut



WOW!!!









The present of a tankard seemed well received and Nick and I soon established that it held just a tad more than a pint.

Happy Birthday and Good Health James

And well done Nick, Kate and Rachel on doing a good job on getting him thus far and in good condition.







Monday and I am surprised to receive two texts in quick succession from Ady and then Carrie suggesting lunch at the George and Dragon on Tuesday. How nice I thought-so lucky to have so many friends. Mac and Carrie picked me up at the moorings and we met Ady at the pub. There was a bit of whispering going on but I put no meaning to it. Half way through lunch the landllord Mick summoned me from the table to present me with an envelope which contained a double page spread from some Aussie Organ proclaiming the recent rout in the Ashes series. Sent by one Peter Howe, an Anglo/Australian from Watford who for some reason best known to himself wished to see me humiliated in public. Being a proper Englishman and therefor having won first prize in the lottery of life, I went along with the jolly jape. I cannot think why the failed convict  should wish to be such a bad sport but one must remember that not all nations are blessed with our kindly and benificent nature. Magnaminous in victory, humble in defeat. That's us.
 



  True I was a little whimsical in my response to his initial mention of the series outcome (copy set out below) but to go to the trouble of sending this gaudy bit of Aussie gloating all the way to the Mother country really is rather excessive. Do these Australians have no qualms about offending our beloved Queen?

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" From: pahowe@bigpond.net.au
To: mycatberko@hotmail.com
Subject: 5 Nil , 5 Nil, 5 Nil 5 Nil.
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 2014 15:53:48 +1100




Happy New Year from all the boys! Keep up the good work!
From Michael, Brad and especially Peter, Mitchell, Nathan, Ryan and Shane."

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"Dear Mr Peter,

I apologise for the delay in replying to your email of 5th January.

My tardiness in replying is explained by the simple fact that I assumed it was spam email given that I know nobody in Austria to which I assume the abbreviation "au" refers.My previous experience with such spam emails has resulted in somebody in Lagos promising me an enlarged penis in exchange for me selling my kidney in order to free up some money held by a tribal chieftain being my inheritance for a distant relative who had been stewed in a big pot alongside Livingstone some years back.

But I digress.

Your heading " 5 Nil , 5 Nil, 5 Nil 5 Nil." intrigued me for a couple of reasons.
Firstly it does not seem to scan with any Austrian music I know and would appear only to fit with the tune for "Amazing Grace" It certainly doesn't work if sung to the tune "Guantalamera" which does work with the internationally acclaimed "There's Only One F in Fulham" a musical triumph up there with Mozart and Robbie Williams.

Secondly I am not aware that Austria has beaten us at anything by any score but you may know otherwise.

I am of course aware that recently a side comprising colonial expats had a cricketing victory of such a magnitude but this is easily explained.

It was obvious from day 1 that the colonials had practised beforehand-an underhand piece of gamesmanship that they share with the German footballing side. Our chaps, of course being the Gentlemen they are, thought it unseemly to improve on their performance of the previous Summer knowing how sensitive the colonials are. It is also apparent that there was considerable stress caused by the sledging on the pitch which not only goes against the spirit of the game but defies global warming  as there was obviously no snow anywhere. I am of course aware that snow does fall in the Blue Mountains but we would not play cricket there as we don't like your altitude.
It was apparent that our chaps desperately wanted to be somewhere else, i.e. home- as they were concerned that they would miss Father Christmas and on Boxing Day the cruelty of your medium pacer Johnson in flaunting his stick on tattoo that he got from Santa was bordering on obscene.

Suffice it to say that  the gloating of the colonials is in inverse proporton to the minor celebrations here last year when together with the weather (another indication that God is an Englishman) allowed us in all humility to stuff the buggers.

With best wishes and thanks again for your efforts in finding my replacement hat. Any chance you could also find me some replacement batsmen?

It was also noticeable that the Australian Management had failed to comply with the generally accepted convention that requires they pick as many South African failures as the opposition.

As to the size of the victory it should be recognised that having woken up after the third test to find themselves 3-0 down it was natural to go for a 5-0 defeat because nobody remembers a side that loses 3-2 but nobody will forget a side that lost 5-0. The use of the word "whitewash" is no longer acceptable in a country where racial stereotyping is anathema"
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So there it is dear reader- a blog that started with a moment of joy at a young man's coming of age and finished with the paranoid excesses of an ex Watford hoodlum deported years ago when standards of behaviour were somewhat higher than now. The warning of the Watford Magistrate that, in future, he should keep his raincoat buttoned up was unnecessary as Peter finished up in a country where it last rained back in then1930s. Hence the whole country is annually raised to the ground because some eejit sets fire to a bush and unlike God's Own Country rain is not significant factor in ensuring the cricket team have a chance of a well undeserved draw. So unfair.


STOP PRESS...8-0 !   8-0 !    8-0 !   8-0 !    8-0!..........

England are within one victory of retaining the Women's Ashes after a seven-wicket win over Australia in the first one-day international.
Alex Blackwell's unbeaten 82 helped the hosts post 209-3 from their 50 overs.
England slipped to 68-3 in response but an unbroken fourth-wicket stand from Lydia Greenway (69 not out) and Arran Brindle (63 not out) led them home.
England are now 8-0 up in the multi-format series having won the only Test in Perth by 61 runs earlier this month.
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GOT YOURS YET? BEST HURRY!
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Aprons and Bags made by Seams.
Avid readers will recall Pam's visit to Gulu, Uganda last year  http://paminuganda.wordpress.com/ where apart from her involvement with the local school she met and stayed with the people running Seams (Sewing Enterprise of the African Missionary Society). Based in Northern Uganda this enterprise helps the local ladies rebuild their lives through training them to become part of a small cottage industry, each person receiving a share in the profits from sales


Aprons £13
Bags £11

I will pay the postage no matter where you live in the UK. What a deal. And it's all for charity!

I know it's been a while and soooo many of you have asked when will I write another blog. My answer to both of them is here it is. My la...