A Special Blog Post facilitated by being up and about at some ungodly hour thanks to a cough and a mega storm at Cowroast
The Great Egg debate rages on! The more attentive of you will recall the following from my last posting.
To finish I'd be grateful for any advice on the correct way to handle the following situation so as not to break any social conventions and find I am no longer welcome in the great houses of Berkhamsted.
Being of a gluttonous disposition I oft have two boiled eggs for breakfast hoping that both will arrive at table equally soft of yoke and firm of white, toasted soldiers already buttered, in a straight line and ready for dipping. NOW what is acceptable. May I dip both eggs dispatching the yokes before attacking the white of both or does polite society expect a chap to deal with each egg in order. Yoke -White- Yolk- White?
It's a toughie isn't it?
Obviously what one does in the privacy of ones humble boat is between one and the Great Poulterer in the Sky but should happenstance I find oneself looking at two eggs in the second breakfast room of some mansion up Great Gaddesden way one doesn't want to be regarded as lowborn, unmarriageble and beyond the pale** because of a sodding egg.
Your advice dear reader............it's not a
Well, opinions are flooding in on this sensitive issue. So many that space allows me only to give you a specimen. Oooooh Matron!
Vladimir from Tomsk write " Vot zis fuss on eggs? Ve have no egs in Tomsk. Ve af fuckski all of anything in Tomsk. Is zis to do viv your Breggsit. You vont picture of my sister?"
Lee Kin Bum of S Korea texted
"Here at the Kia Car factory we only get one egg on one day a month if we hit our targets which we don't very often because my brother in law who works on the line that fits the tyres is a lazy fat bastard no good for my bonus egg chances or my sister. Would you like a picture of my sister?"
David from Witney sent a postcard
" The fact that you needed to raise the question in the first place would indicate that you are low born and of no breeding whatsoever. We covered egg etiquette in our first week at Eton and I remember Matron tucking me in with Osborne Junior that night and reminding us "Always eat the yokes first boys to avoid the possibility of some oik from a secondary modern trying to stick his soldiers in it"
I remember Osborne Jr cried himself to sleep that night. I wonder what became of him? Would you like a picture of Matron?"
Lady Ariadne Halfarse of Bayswater left a message on the Answerphone
"Hello. Hello?-Oh I hate these machines-why don't you get a butler? God I'd hate to be poor. Anyway one should instruct Cook to bring the eggs one at a time with a three minute gap so as to ensure a soft yoke alternating with the white of the eggs.
This advice was first opined in Wing Commander Sir R Suppard's worthy tome-"The Etiquette of Egg Consumption and the Uprising of the wily Pathan in the Hindu Kush" published in 1877. It is the definitive guide and is taught in all Public Schools except Eton who preferred to follow the obviously erroneous dictum in Boris (if it moves shag it) Johnson's autobiography "Cripes! Only Two Eggs, Nanny!?"
I hope this clarifies the matter. Must rush-my plumber is fitting a new toilet this morning.
Would you like a picture of my plumber's cistern?"
Sister Janice of the Whispering Sisters of Murphy Convent in Berkhamsted shouted through my letterbox
" When Reverend Mother found the convent loo seat raised we were given the penance of eating only the whites of our eggs whilst leaving the yoke intact to be shared amongst the poor at the Lamb Soup Kitchen. Anyone failing in performing this penance must forego eggs for ten years or be given a Fulham Season ticket for one season. We all really miss eggs.
Would you like a picture of Johnny Haynes?"
So there you have it. The question remains unanswered.
Yoke Yoke White White
Yoke White Yoke White
or the new penitential
No Yoke White No Yoke White
The Nation must decide. A referendum must be organised.
Back to bed now.