Down Memory Lane......

Friday 15th November.
By my reckoning it's 40 years today since Broad Wave II, the first boat,  was purchased from Clifford Allen's yard at Coltishall, Norfolk.
So today, in the company of Ady, Geoff J, Mike P and Norman the Gnome, I set off for Norfolk for a weekend of nostalgia.

Cowroast Sunrise

A beautiful day with no cloud in the sky the drive to Norfolk goes well apart from the constant bleating of certain passengers about stopping for tea, coffee, bacon sandwiches, cake, biscuits and anything else that's going. And we aint past Hemel Hempstead yet!

We are staying in Wroxham in a riverside cottage and very nice too.

A Bedroom each and three loos!

Obviously Norman took this one which not only explains why he isn't in it but also the angle of the shot.

I took this one because Norman wanted to be in it

 First port of call is the King's Head which has certainly altered from 35 years ago and apart from the usual gawdawful music piped out to people who aren't listening to it, is quite pleasant. The planning meeting decides that we settle in to the cottage, have a wander, grab fish and chips and watch the first half of England v Chile before adjourning to the KH for the second half.. A perfect plan except England were not very good and the Chileans were. 0-2. and we were lucky to get 0.

The view from the living room-lots of boats and little harbours
Saturday morning we\re off to Aylsham and the Bure Valley Railway

Quick! One of the antiques has escaped1

And another one! This time with Norman

Lovely little narrow gauge railway-you want to put the engine in your pocket.

(Please see Appendix regarding track guages)

Adrian and I on the site of Clifford Allen's yard

Then on to Coltishall where 40 years ago stood Clifford E Allen's boatyard. The whole hire fleet was up for sale and 850 quid bought Broad Wave II. The yard was then demolished and a very pleasant riverside development was built. The nearby Anchor pub was turned into a house. Crying shame.Lovely pub. No wonder this country's so bloody miserable with all the pubs shut and everybody staying indoors trying to work out why they're so fed up.When I'm Queen all the houses that were once pubs will have to revert to their former self and everybody must visit at least 10 pubs a year or be shot. I'll make the sods happy even if they don't want to be.

The Reach at Horning

Turners Yard, Horning

After Coltishall we went back past Wroxham to Horning where Broad Wave was moored for 5 years at Turner's Yard, owned by Dennis George.A nice man who could surgically remove the contents of your wallet without you knowing.

A couple of ne'erdowells look round Turners Yard

No longer a boatyard but a private house and we had a scamper round having established there was nobody at home. For some of the time back in the 70s we were moored on the opposite side of the river up a dike as the call the call them in Norfolk and on arrival late on a Friday night had to row across in the pitch dark to find the boat. Amazingly only one person ever fell in. Sorry about that Ady.

The real entertainment came on a Sunday morning (and I think still does) when all the local yachtsmen were out on Horning Reach which coincided with loads of hire boats arriving from Wroxham having taken command on the Saturday.
Marvelous sport to sit in the Swan Hotel and watch relationships fall apart and insurance excess deposits disappear. After a shufty round the yard and a peek at the Ferry Inn (now looks very ordinary) we retired to the New Inn in Horning Village. Changed a bit since my days up there but very pleasant and Norman enjoyed it.

Only one cruiser and no yachts on the Reach. Wait till the Spring!

Southern Comfort-built in the 70s and looking good.It is now moored outside the Swan at H Reach but I'm sure used to be outside Hotel Wroxham

After Horning we headed off to Ranworth Broad and the Maltsters pub. The pub used to have a very attractive bar shaped like the bows of a boat but it has all been revamped and whilst it is very pleasant it lacks the individuality of before. Grub was good and service fine.

Norman loved it especially as he was allowed to wear my cap. Not sure about Geoff.

Enough sightseeing for one day so back to the cottage for a wash and brush up and listen to the rugby-England v The All Blacks. Not on TV of course unless you want to give the Dodgy Aussie loads of dosh. When I'm Queen all major sports will be on the BBC and Sky can have all the bloody cookery programmes (except Master Chef as Pam likes that) and silly property programmes.
In the evening we went to the King's Head which boasted a carvery for 6 quid. Excellent value.Just get rid of the music and it's a good pub.

Sunday-not the brightest of days but the gulls and herons are waiting for breakfast

Then we're off to Neatishead, a delightful little village with moorings off Barton Broad and memories of the Summer of '76 when the tarmac bubbled and the varnish on the boat's  wheel melted. 100 degrees on a couple of days and we tookthe Aussies to the sword in the Ashes series. what a great time.

Then off to Ludham-another frequent stop years ago and totally unchanged.

Then we set off for Potter Heigham where the bridge over the river is very low. During my time there the hire companies brought in an arrangement whereby if you wanted to go through the bridge you stopped and picked up a pilot. If it was your own boat you could chance it without the pilot and I got pretty good at judging the job. Potter Heigham used to have two pubs and not a lot else. Now it has one pub and lots of fast food places. sad.

The Staithe at Ludham

Looks pretty low to me

Looks as low from the other side-funny that

Ady enjoys yet another pastry whilst the tree behind him indicates that the world has gone mad.
When I'm Queen anyone putting up Christmas decorations or playing Christmas "music" in shops or pubs before the first Sunday of Advent will be immersed in a giant bowl of custard and servfed at a free meal for the poor and confused. The tree is in a shop in Potter Heigham called Lathams.. By my estimate it will take 7 lockfulls of custard.

The Pleasure Boat Inn Hickling Broad

Hickling Broad, still unspoilt, a nature reserve where powered craft are not allowed over the Winter months and many are dissuaded by the low Potter Heigham bridge during the Summer. It is the last place I sailed a yacht.

A Hickling Resident

After Hickling Broad we went to Horsey Mere which is in spitting distance of the sea. It is also within spitting distance of The Admiral Nelson, the best pub of the weekend where we had an excellent lunch. A bracing walk round the mere and on to Sea Palling by the sea. I recalled that when on the beach in '76 a couple of coppers on bikes came by telling people to get covered up because the local hospital was inundated with sunstroke cases. No chance today. Brrrrr.








The local Mafia head into Sea Palling led by Don Miguel di Payne

The sea is out there somewhere through the mist. I don't know who the old drunk is lying on the beach.A local said it was Albert Ross

The weather closed in so we implemented the only option open to seafarers who are afeared of the curse of the Albert Ross.We went back to Wroxham and immersed ourselves in curry. Ady had a Phall curry. He was first up next morning. Up and ready to depart by 9 30 and apart from the enforced stop because the crew hadn't eaten for nearly 20 minutes had a good journey back in the rain.

Some photos from the past.

Rock on. Enough for now.

Appendix

Railroad  tracks. 

 

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an  exceedingly odd number.  
  Why was that gauge used?  Because that's the way they built them in Scotland, and Scottish expatriates designed the US railroads.  
  Why did the Scottish build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad  Tramways,  and that's the gauge they  used.  
  Why did 'they' use that gauge then?  Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had  used for building wagons, which used  that wheel spacing.  
  Why did the wagons have that particularly odd wheel  spacing?  Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the  wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in Scotland,  because that's the spacing of the wheel  ruts.  
  So  who built those old rutted roads?  Imperial Rome  built the first long distance roads in Europe (including   Scotland) for their legions. Those roads have been used  ever since.  
  And the ruts in the roads?  Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts,  which everyone else had to match for  fear  of destroying their wagon  wheels..  Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard  railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman  War  chariot.
  So  the next time you are handed a  specification/procedure/process and wonder, 'What  horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses'  asses.)  Now, the twist to the story:  
  When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch  pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank.  These are solid rocket boosters, or  SRBs.  The SRBs are made by Thiokol at  their  factory in   Utah.  The engineers who designed the SRBs  would have preferred to make them a  bit  fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped  by train from the factory to the launch site.  The railroad line from the factory happens  to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and  the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel  s slightly wider than the railroad track,  and  the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses'  behinds.  

  So, a major Space Shuttle design feature  of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of two horses' asses. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horses' asses control almost everything..

....those Autumn leaves.........

Friday, 8th November.
 THE GREAT MOORING TIDY-UP, now in its second year.
Two minutes of frenzied activity and plip plop it started to precipitate stair rods.
Blow this I thought ........where's my Fantasy Football Team Sheet? Must get that done whilst it's chucking it down.
And so dear reader thus ended hostilities for today. I don't want you to think I'm dodging the task but there are so many other things to do.

A good fire, a cuppa and the prospect of a ham sandwich for lunch whilst I torture over the skills of Berbatov and Bent,, the Fulham strikers who aint striking.

One major cause for rejoicing!
My wheelbarrow is now fully functioning. That wondrous bit of kit,the wheelbarrow, so essential to a boater whose possessions are 1/3 in Berkhamsted, 1/3 on the boat and 1/3 in the back of his car. I had a puncture in it when I got back on 7th October. New inner tube. Then established that the tyre was knackered. New tyre. Managed to split inner tube putting it all back. New inner tube.
Assistance sought and readily offered by resident tyre experts, part time inflationists and aficionadoes of the blow up aids. Good old Geoffrey to the rescue with patches and glue and tyre levers and multifarious pumps and here we are exactly a month later with an inflated tyre . I  need another excuse for not tidying the mooring now

And here it is.I must drop  an envelope off with Mac and Carrie to take to Sue on the Orkneys. She is road testing my caption competition for our Boaters' Christmas Do and as she aint coming all the way from ooop north just to listen to a load of boaters talk toilets she can be allowed to see this highly confidential document and pass comment.We hold the do every Christmas and usually raise a few bob for Charity. It's my turn to organise it this year and I shan't be sorry to hand it over to someone else next year. Then perhaps I could get on with the mooring.

The rain is consistent and little progress is made. A busy weekend ahead means no chance then to do the deed and next week is filling up nicely. Guy from Norfolk is visiting and both Natalie and Caz are passing through. Pam is doing a boeuf bourgignon and I'm commmissioned to do a Dauphinois potato. Here it is and not a calorie in it.Bloody good though as was the Bourgignon!


A walk round Aldbury and I spot a pheasant looking pleasant. My plan is to take a few pictures of trees and stuff and drop down to the Valiant Trooper for a pint. As I'm photographing Mr Pleasant Pheasant I become aware of movement the other side of the tree.A herd of deer complete with stag and they don't seem to bothered by me as long as I don't move about.Of course my training with the 23rd Foot and Mouth Brigade meant I can not only kill a man with one blow but can creep up on deer and hang tinsel on their antlers without them noticing. A rare skill.Very handy at Christmas
 I was fascinated by the fact that every time there was a noise-bird, car,me- the herd all looked at the stag to see his reaction. If he carried on munching so did they, if he moved a few feet in any direction so did they. I watched them for over an hour and completely forgot to go for my pint.

Saturday saw the gathering of the weekend party, Guy (who had come over from Norfolk)and I headed off to buy shoes! and mistakenly went in the Lamb for a pint prior to  joining Pam for a curry. Avid readers will recall from the earlier blogpost in Yorkshire-




http://mikew-tugwellardsawfullybigadventure.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/a-week-in-yorkshire.html

- that Guy's speed of eating is in inverse proportion to his conversation so we had a most convivial evening and the meal took about three hours!



Sunday and a glorious Autumn day. A healthy breakfast and a walk across Ashridge from the Bridgewater Monument to Ashridge House.
The Grade II listed Bridgewater Monument is a tower on the Ashridge estate, built in 1832 in memory of Francis Egerton, 3rd Duke of Bridgewater (1736–1803), "the father of inland navigation". It overlooks the village of Aldbury and the Grand Union Canal.
It was built away from Ashridge House as his mother wanted "not to see or be reminded of my infernal son".She obviously wasn't a canal enthusiast.

Pam and Caz shade themselves 

The Duke of Bridgewater had a very pretty daughter and...sorry that's not what I meant.
The Duke of Bridgewater is to be found here:

http://www.bridgewatercanal.co.uk/timeline1.html

Well, actually he's to be found at Little Gaddesden cos that's where they buried him.If I'd have been him I'd have had myself embalmed and stuck in the old girl's bay window.

These look considerably more spritely  than my selections at Wincanton on Saturday

Guy and Caz look like they are re-enacting the Da Vinci cartoons
at the beginning of the South Bank Show

The ground covering by Ashridge House.

A real fun Guy

 

Back at Cowroast the sun still shines and the fires are lit

You know that excuse I was looking for to avoid tidying the mooring? Well I had it on Monday in bucketloads. Very wet.But as the week progresses the sun shines and by Thursday the mooring looks no less of a mess but it's all in a different place!
The coal boat (Towcester-Jule's Fuels) called by on Monday to replenish diesel and replace a gas bottle. Sod's law dictated that ten minutes after they'd gone another gas bottle ran out but nay bother-catch 'em on the way back. After me they moved on to nb Valerie where pleased to report Les seems to be on the mend.

I am starting to prepare for the coming weekend when we are off to Norfolk to celebrate 40 years since we bought the first boat at Coltishall. It will be a real trip down memory lane as it is many years since I was round those parts. My fears are that it will be a disappointment and I am not encouraged by directions on how to find our cottage...."turn left at MacDonalds"....Oh Gawd what else. Watch this space.

Happy Birthday Norman!

Thursday 14th And it's a special day. No not the 65th birthday of HRH Charlie-but the umptieth birthday of Crew Member Norman pictured here and looking very elfy. We're off to Morrisons for tea. We go there ever since they closed Gnome and Colonial.Norman will, of course, be coming to Norfolk with us as part of his birthday treat

I noticed today that the moorings on the towpath side are empty. A very rare event-my usual experience at this time of year is a build up before Christmas. The Canal and River Trust seem to be harrying and hurrying overstayers to move on. Mind you it gets so muddy that side during the Winter then maybe its a last resort.

Anyway Norman and I must get packed for our trip to Norfolk. He likes Norfolk cos when you're short it's good to go to flat places where you can see as much as everybody else. But we're taking a beer crate for him to stand on just on case. Like John Major did at the hustings only this gnome is  Norman Minor.....mind you  John is married to Norma so there you go. I think she's great and not like that Edwin Currie woman whom Norman Hates-that's not to be confused with Norman Bates who was in Psycho running Bates Motel with his mum dead in the cellar. That Master Bates was a w*****r. But not as big a whinger as Norman cos he can't find his socks and has gone into one blaming everybody except himself for their absence. Turns out they're on his feet but that's gnomes for you.

Until next time dear reader

Saturday, 2nd November



The authentic Arabian appearance is achieved by
holding a piec of ice, wrapped in a serviette, on the area
stung by the wasp

You would be forgiven for thinking this is a picture of a wealthy, influential sheik, potentate of somewhere full of sand and oil visiting the UK with a harem and a string of Bentleys.

It  is, in fact, a man who has been stung by a wasp. He was meant to be sealing his boat chimneys-a job long overdue-and had indeed set about this task with the nearest thing to enthusiasm without actually being enthusiastic and wallop. Clearing leaves from the roof to get at the area in question and bang-right on the bonce, above the right eye and ouch to the power of 28. I've been stung before in various places so I don't go to any of them now-no, I mean on  the arms, the hands the neck and recovered almost immediately but this boyo meant business. It hurt like hell and continued to do so till I retired early in the evening. At one stage I thought of going to the whaspital but that would have been silly. So no boat chimney sealed today. The Blessed Pam ministered unto my wound before she and Joseph went off to Earls Court with Ollie to some ski show. Sounds fun. Here's a picture of them.

No, not this one -they're reindeer,the other one up there

Did it rain here?
No rain dear.
Oh That's good moose
We've a stag do at the hoose
R Burns

Sunday, a bright and breezy day with little traffic on the cut. Although these two came by-from a distance I thought  they were walking on water.

Head now restored to its former beauty and I suspect the sting has prompted some hair growth. Just a whisp. Or is it a whasp?

Monday! and I'm cooking on gas. Two hours of hanging upside down over the central heating boiler and getting covered in diesel smuts and we're away-yippee. Job done and the central heating working like a wasp on heat .A lovely day so turned the boat round to get at the chimney that is leaking like a sieve. Lots of sealant and wait for the next  to see if its worked..

Tuesday AND IT'S GUY FAWKES NIGHT!

So far so good . Plenty of rain but no leaks-marvellous.  A trip to Tesco with Jaq from nb Valerie( http://boatlife.blogspot.co.uk/)  to stock up for fireworks night and try not to get too excited about the forthcoming pyrotechnics.

Picked up  Joseph  and we are soon up to our necks in sparks, bangs, hot dogs,  pop and pizza along with Pat from next door-with Mulled Wine!- and Richard and Ally (Ali,Alli?) with Harvey, Nancy, Dulcie and Bruno. Lots of Ooooooing andAhhhhhhing and more fun than I deserve. They brought a firework that sounded like Saturday night in Baghdad which was stupendous and I flitted about (as best as a man of my stature can flit) lighting rockets and sprays and all sorts of wonders.

Pam and Joseph lit the chimerea which was v welcome

Joseph in his smart new ski jacket tends the fire.

Oh and sparklers! Looks like I got the last one. Hee hee-Don't you just love sparklers.

Wednesday, a dismal, dank, dreary day. A day suited to picking up dead fireworks, leaves,losses................filled up the tank with water and restarted Operation Mooring Tidy but soon got bored with that. I noticed a couple of CaRT (was B Waterways before the world went completely mad) employees leaving the moorings when I arrived. Always a cause of anxiety especially for those of us competing for the Untidiest Mooring in South East England Competition. Whatever it is it wont be good news and will probably cost us money. 

Still raining......perhaps I'll leave the tidying up till tomorrow.

I shall stay in the dry and do some picture framing and play at being a plumber. If I can find the right spanners......I have an air lock in the pipework between the central heating stove and the immersion tank. (That's interesting isn't it.) and every year I solve it but can't remember what I did the previous year. As it involves water and pipes and stuff I have to think very carefully before filling my sporran with ice cold water-or is it hot-can't remember and not undo the wrong bits or bugger the tank. Anyway it's too dark to do anything now so it can wait till the morning.
I know-I'll publish this post on the blog. Until the next time....

Monday 28th.

The worst storm since the last one. We were promised  the total removal of anyone weighing less than 10 stone. the eradication of every tree in South East England and those of us weightier people who did survive would awake somewhere in Cambridgeshire carried there by a wind so strong that that the UK would be rejoined to mainland Europe.  It was a bit wet and windy further south and the odd bit of fencing went walkabout locally but peering through my porthole everything seems to be where it was before. I appreciated the warning though-I was involved in the aftermath of the '87 storm so know what the damage can be like and what precautions can be taken if sufficient warning is given

Most of the trees still seem to be in leaf which is good because Autumn is such a lovely season on Tring Summit and the longer it lasts the better.

I don't seem to be making much progress with my Autumn chores however. I still haven't got the central heating working-mainly because it's such a messy job I want a totally clear day with no other commitments, a complete set of disposable clothing and both knees in some sort of working order. At the time of writing I only have the clothing-all my clothing is disposable-but in truth I just hate doing the bloody job. The mooring still looks a tip as does the inside of the shed but they can wait till the sun comes out. Anyway I've got excuses, as always,as today (Monday) I am giving someone a lift to hospital, tomorrow I have a meeting (over lunch) about my 40th anniversary trip to Norfolk and on Wednesday I am at the dentist. Don't worry I'll find something else for Thursday and Friday to make sure I don't do any of the jobs on my Autumn List which for your information is published here.

The Mooring doesn't look too bad here but believe me-it's a tip.

Central heating-service boiler

Clear shed

clear mooring

fix leaks round two chimneys

clear boatmans and put mattressing in store

paint front well (or badly depending on mood-ho ho)

Fit cratch cover

build bookcase and hang new pictures

organise Christmas Do

                                                                                        stop inventing jobs

One thing I have achieved is the acquisition of a lovely, comfy, leather chair which is the perfect size both for the boat and my ample curtilage

Perhaps I'll sit in it for 10 minutes whilst the fire gets going and have another look at my list.

Tuesday 29th.

A brighter day all round but colder so fire lit and logs, coal etc. ready.

Heard from Jim H who is moving Pacific for John P from Braunston to Watford that he is delayed at Leighton Buzzard by a tree across the cut. CaRT not yet got a conractor on the case but to be fair they are probably busy (the contractors, not CaRT) with more pressing matters as like Barclays they have branches everywhere. Certainly on my drive back from Watford General yesterday on the country route I was surprised at how many trees were down and roads flooded.

Wed 30th

A glorious Autumn morning spoiled only by the prospect of a visit to the dentist down in Harrow. Reports say the tree in Leighton Buzzard has been removed so Jim and Sue should be back sometime today .

Dentist 10/10

Jim and Sue are back but because of the delay caused by trees across the canal in L Buzzard are leaving the boat here for a while.

And now for some really good news!

You remember, of course, that whilst I was returning from Wales I lost my Hat to the wind somewhere between Calcutt and Braunston. I'm sure you do and believe me I have been comforted  not only by your prayers for my loss but the knowledge that so many of you will have driven up that way to see if you can find it. Most kind.

Anyway fear not. Look no further. The hat bearing the title Tug Master was a present from Mac and Carrie on the Griffin from their last trip to Australia, an island off New Zealand and famous for spiders that will bite your bum when you're sat on the loo-very expensive in pet shops, cheaper on the web.

 Here I am wearing it before I went away.

 On Thursday I was summoned to Dodge Mansions and presented with a replacement! All the way from Australia! Organised by Mac and Carrie through Peter Howe and his lady wife,G(loria), who apparently trecked through the Outback, fighting off bum-biting spiders, to various Charity Shops and found another Tug Master Hat. I am ecstatic and exceedingly grateful. I wore it in bed last night which meant I was totally protected against the ghouls of Halloween and had a warm head. Marvellous surprise. Thank you everybody.

 

 And here it is. Don't I look smart!

Until the next time mes amis..............