Monday, 31 July 2017


Dearly Beloved,

You will recall that last time I blogged my mind was exercised by the idea of there being  6 sexual options now available that weren't around when I were a lad. (I know they were really but nobody admitted to knowing or being most of them) .

Male, Female plus Lesbian,Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. MFLGBT
I was just about coping with this miscellany and then bugger me (sorry) they introduce another two.
I was listening to the Beeb and they were banging on about the anniversary of the "partial" decriminalisation of homosexuality (to be true they've had a month of banging on about little else) when Val McDermid, an authoress (if I'm allowed to call her that) of great quality was praising the advance for LGBTIQ . IQ? I shouted at the radio. What the hell are Is and Qs? Ms McDermid did not reply so I had a Google. They can't touch you for it.

I learnt Q is Queer or Questioning and I is for Intersex.

 FFS I didn't think you could call anybody "Queer" anymore without being dragged before the Peoples' Court and as for Questioning, that covers a lot of the human race. The next time you hear that so and so had been taken in  by the Police for Questioning you wont know what's been going on. Is he part of the Station Quiz Team or has he/she/it been arrested for not knowing to what use they wish to put their bits. 

As for "Intersex" I'm lost for words. Nearly.
Apparently Intersex is a person who is attracted to two sexes or two genders, but not necessarily simultaneously or equally. Well that's cleared that up hasn't it?
So over the last 20 million years the fornication process has all been wrong. If all these options were about and had been freely available (with the constant publicity now in train) it would be a wonder if we'd managed to copulate and populate  the Isle of Wight let alone overpopulate the whole sodding world!

MFLGBTQI-eight letters, nearly a third of the alphabet and you can be sure there are more on the way. The rainbowists wont be happy until they've used all 26 and none of us know which way to turn. My suggestion is C for celibate making 9 letters; over a third. Anagram anybody?

No, There isn't one but give it six months. Perhaps you would like to invent/discover a new category? Best hurry there's only 17 letters left.

Enough of this confusion. To matters of pleasure and joy.
To the Claydons in Buckinghamshire and Claydon House in particular. The gardens thereof to be exact where Pam and I spent a very pleasant afternoon walking and picnicking. Stroll along with us now.

Claydon House 

A fountain squirting blue water; a nice touch if intentional. However my theory is that some little oik emptied his fountain pen in it.
On this tree grow

 these cones

In the grounds of the house stands this church which still operates as such.

Pam's got a new Porsche Porch
Florence Nightingale spent many of her lattter years at Claydon House as a guest of the Verney family. When she became too ill to visit she gave a couple of cones that she had brought back from Scutari and these Cypress trees are the progeny.

Victoria's Plaque-donated by her dentist

The Lady of the Manor

One of the gardeners

Topiary in the Florence Nightingale Garden

Back at Pam's rejoicing because appearance of grapes on vine in her back garden.Chateau Gossoms cannot be far behind.

Bit of excitement in Berko when I went to collect my prescription. As if waiting excitedly for my medication wasn't fun enough for one day, when I left the Pharmacy I found a bus leaning against a sorry other way round. The road was closed and the fire brigade and police were in attendance. I was parked in a layby within the coned off area and couldn't leave so measures had to be taken to negate the possible onset of anorexia in case I be trapped there for hours; over many years  a constant vigilance has ensured my avoidance of such. The nearby Simmonds Bakery provided the answer in the form of an egg and bacon bap so the next 20 minutes were spent sat in the sunshine with my little bag of pills, my breakfast and my camera. The authorities were trying to decide if it was safe to move the bus from the leaning tree. They were, so to speak stumped. Which eventually was the fate of the tree. After half an hour I was able to drive southwards , the bus continued northwards and sadly the tree went logwards.

Mention above of an egg and bacon bap brings to mind that once again we are  apparently at risk; this time from eggs imported from the continent which threaten to wipe us all out before we get Brexited. However last blog I talked of the threat from Chlorination Chicken being imported from the USA with similar fatal or foetal consequences. Which will get us first I wonder?
It's a chicken and egg situation. ==========================================

After that exciting piece of downtown Berkhamsted drama here's a picture of the sunset at Cow Roast at the end of a day when 2 inches of rain fell hereabouts. The red sky meant a much better day dawned.



 I have been shortlisted in the Canal and River Trust "Boats in Bloom" Competition.
Please have a look and if you think any worthy please cast your vote accordingly. I am in the best towpath garden or open space category. The entry is for " Independence"

You have until the end of August to vote.
If I win I will build a great big beautiful wall around Cow Roast. 
Friend Budgie, also on the Cow Roast Mooring is also through to the finals -boat name "Venose" so if you prefer his feel free.
Whilst I have your attention ....

Walk the MS Mile-Berkhamsted, Saturday, 9th September at 10.30

I'm registering for this walk and wondered if you'd like to join me?
You can do this in two ways.

Register yourself and I'll see you on the day-it's only a fiver

or you can join me in spirit by sponsoring me for a fiver or whatever you think worthy.

Or you can do both. 
I did it last year and it really is quite a jolly occasion; please have a look at the above link. Thank you.
The Cow Roast Inn remains open on an informal sort of basis, its long term situation unknown but the subject of much conjecture. Your prayers for the future of same are requested as its too risky to keep getting the bus into Berko for a pint in case a tree falls on you.
I mused the other night that a joint project by the locals, Historic England, the Borough Council and Punch Taverns to turn the site into a museum as in the style of St Albans, incorporating the pub but using it as visitors' centre whist carrying out further excavations and developing the footprint of the Roman settlement that was there.. It would take a few bob to get it off the ground, or rather, under the ground, but some loose change down the back of the settee that is HS2 would sort it.
Now for the bit you've all been waiting for. 

Today's figures for countries visiting my blog:-

United States
United Kingdom
South Korea

Ukraine has disappeared so either the Russians are blogblocking me to stop Vlad and Anna from escaping to the Chilterns or they are already here and no longer interested in my missives. (If you don't understand the foregoing you'll have to read the last blog)

But who's this creeping into number 4 position? Why it's South Korea and who can blame them for seeking solace elsewhere, indecorously positioned as they are between two of the silliest hairstyles ever known, both intent on blowing us all to kingdom come for want of a decent barber-Permo-Nuclear War!?
I don't know what Brazil are doing in third spot, though come to think of it there has been little interest from South America generally over the years so Bem-vindo ao Brasil !

To Finish with some wonderful news-Rejoice!

We've been celebrating Pam's birthday.
Guess what I bought.
On her actual birthday together with Nat and Robbie we went to the (nearly) new Turkish restaurant in Berkhamsted which was jolly good

The following weekend on the Sunday there was a plan that along with others the birthday would be celebrated with a Picnic and Pimms at Pendley followed by the open air performance of Romeo and Juliet. The picnic was ready and in the fridge. The forecast was good.

Peter and Judy and I enjoy 
a large picnic and a 
very good R and J
Then the best birthday present ever took a hand.

Caz went into Margate Maternity a week early, Pam hopped in her car at 7 a m on the Sunday morning and drove down to Kent. (It's where the hops come from after all) and I carried on with the picnic with friends Pete and Judy.
 Mathilda May (7lb 7oz) was born that morning and isn't she gorgeous?!

Happy Birthday Grandma

and this is the moon over Cow Roast the night after Mathilda was born

Well done Caz and Philip..and grandma of course...lets pop some corks, thank God for such a blessing and a big Bem-vindo ao Mathilda May!

Until the next time which might be a while as I want to concentrate on my feeble attempt at a book while I'm on holiday. The working title is "My life and Other favourite Jokes" It is primarily my favourite jokes and where they've fitted in my life. I'm struggling with it at the mo and either have to finish it or give up. If you'd like to road test an extract let me know.

1 comment:

Mrs. Jaqueline Biggs said...

Just catching up with boat blogs today. Yours is always one of my very favorites for the lovely, smart humor you share with us and I do enjoy the pictures of your youth. Please keep them coming.

I have a couple more alphabets to add to your list: PS for Pan-sexual which is someone who enjoys having sex with everybody and often all at once. Not to be confused with an orgy which apparently only happens by invitation and no relationships outside the bedroom are involved. As for the use of the term queer, your are correct: we who are straight cannot use the term but tall these alphabets were coined by those who are GLBTQIPS, etc. etc. etc. so they can use the term while we cannot. I only know these things because my youngest daughter is an L and through her I have many friends now who are all of the above!

Many happy returns to Pam and what a beautiful and amazing birthday gift-- a lovely new grand daughter! Please give her my best.

On the Brazil front I suspect those visits come about from our friend and former boater Robert Rogers who lived on WB Wind in the Willows. His girl fried Roseni lived in Berko and is Brazilian. She had to move back two years ago to take care of her parents and Robert realized he loved Roseni more than he loved his boat. He sold WIW, moved to Brazil, married Roseni and they live in Ubatuba, two hours south of Rio, right on the beach and are happy as clams. He stays in touch frequently and he continues to read boat blogs. As I well know, anyone who visits your blog and reads it once will soon be hooked and require a regular fix!

Finally, I voted for your garden. I hope you win!!

Love Jaq xxx

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